An enforced absence

Don't really know where to start...

I've seen some spectacular things and some absolutely terrible things the last few days. Sadly i haven't been able to document them as our PC was in for repairs. I couldn't help but think one of the Brown family may be about to have their Gary Glitter moment...but alas we are re-united with our PC and i am able to type this...


Being in cyber exile hasn't overly bothered me... Suppose it's good to know i'm not a nerd who depends on it.

Seems i have a backlog of drafts and half baked stuff so i'll hopefully get round to finishing off and posting them this week. For now i think i'll depart, can't really be arsed. Today hasn't been great. Just lost a basketball game to one of the many local teams in which all the players think they are American. And then there's the added woe caused by the recent bad weather and our country's embarassing inability to cope.

Middlesbrough council's efforts with regards to gritting have been a complete joke. And on the parts they have cleared, all you get is a load of overly cautious cretins driving at 2mph, the same sort of drivers who do an overly dramatic swerve to the side of the road whenever the emergency services go past, even if they're nowhere near obstructing them.

Office workers are making me Borrrk with claims that they can't get into work when it's more a case of they can't be arsed, they'll be the same people who had the day off school when it was their birthday or when their pet died. Scum.

Old men Nationwide seem to see the snow as a chance to convince us that they've still got something to give. They do this by racing to see who can clear their pathway first. in certain cases it means clearing all the snow and piling it up right in front of my car. The more i think about this the more i think i need to retaliate.


So yea......


Realistically snow is absolutely fucking shit

A gash book

A couple of years ago i came across this book....




The formula on the front cover is repeated throughout.

Why would anyone find it funny? It's nothing more than a pathetic extension of the tabloid media's take on Tourette's - a condition we're meant to believe is the pinnacle of funny and simply makes people swear. haha! he said fuck. Hilarious. To an extent it can be amusing but this book is simply an image of an animal and a speech bubble with a swear word. Let's all have a big knee slap and spit our coffee out at the hilarity!

I've recently found myself getting incensed by user reviews on online stores and was intrigued to see what people made of this book. (I don't know why i do this to myself) Here's a few...

"It is completely childish but I have never laughed so much in my whole life, every coffee table, bathroom and work place needs this book!"

This book is hilarious. As has been stated, it's a collection of cute animals accompanied by a speech bubble with a rude word.
The sort of folk that don't like it are the sort of folk that watch an adult film at 11pm and then go on to complain about the nudity and swearing.

Right while i'm on we'll do the same for Michael McIntyre's Autobiography. This man really is awful and in the unlikely event that he said something mildly funny it'd only be ruined by the fact that he has the most irritating voice on earth.

I was desperately waiting for the postman every morning to recieve this book! After reading the reviews, once again he never fails to make me laugh. Literally on the first page, i giggled. thats hard to do & hes one heck of a comedian. id definately recommend this to everyone!

OMG!!! If you love michael mcintyre you will love this book, it actually made me laugh out loud, its also nice to read about his real life - this book is a must!


Some people....

Possibly the most embarassing birthday card i've ever seen.

It's as if they got someone from nuts magazine to design a blokey card only for him to run out of time brainstorming and saying "that'll have to do"

Some shite items......or shitems

Finally figured out how to get my phone pictures on the PC and so i can now share the following wonders.....




Long winded cereal.





Wellness flakes





Why?





Sounds like a reality TV show. And why does it say "grill" if it's in a pan on the picture?





Not to be confused with connect 4

Deftones - Leeds 02 Academy - 13/11/10

Absolutely unreal.

1.Rocket Skates
2.Around the Fur
3.My Own Summer (Shove It)
4.Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away)
5.Lotion
6.Feiticeira
7.Digital Bath
8.Knife Prty
9.Elite
10.Diamond Eyes
11.Royal
12.Prince
13.CMND/CTRL
14.You've Seen The Butcher
15.Sextape
16.Beauty School
17.Bloody Cape
18.Minerva
19.Passenger
20.Change (In the House of Flies)

Encore:

21.Birthmark
22.Engine No.
23.7 Words

Remember that programme...

.....Gary Coleman says the funniest things?

It followed the adventures of Arnold & Willis Jackson. Arnold would say stuff that wasn't funny and the studio audience would roll in the aisles due to the novelty value as opposed to any witty content.

: O

My brother stole my mankind idea and so i was forced to scramble around for an acceptable costume at last minute. Resulting in the tin foil Terminator you see below.



And here is George/Kuato



In the film Kuato tells us that "a man is defined by his actions, not his memories"

If this is true i'm not sure what this makes me.




Probably a dick.