Red Face Day

I'm not really into superstition but i'm not looking forward to this friday the 13th. The reason being because it's Red Nose day.

This year's theme is "do something funny for money" quite ironic really as most of the "comedians" associated with comic relief haven't done anything remotely funny for years and have made shitloads of money. Some of their careers rely on RND. When else do we see Lenny Henry on tv? apart from those travel lodge adverts - "I've found something small time" would that be your fanbase Lenny?

I won't deny that it's a good cause but i thought the idea was to raise money and a few laughs along the way. It's a mark of how bad things have got when the various dance routines and tired sketches are actually more depressing than the footage of the homeless and starving themselves. Jo Brand anyone? Jo Brand performing a dance routine as Britney Spears? Who really wants to see Jo Brand as Britney Spears? Who wants to see fucking Jo Brand at all?

Shit like Tony Blair asking the key question "am i bovvvered" (that was embarassing just to type) maybe it's all just part of a massive scheme. The BBC churning out years worth of excruciating viewing on purpose only for Richard Curtis to come out and say ok, everyone pays a tenner and we cease the shit sketches. If this is the case then i'd be more than happy to do so.

Basically if they had some decent stuff on then they could raise a lot more money, which is what it's all about at the end of the day. Shit content - people are going to switch it off and thus become less likely to donate. It's a bit like me opening a cake stall with all proceeds going to charity but then only selling cakes made out of flour, gravel and used condoms.

There will no doubt be the usual predicatble events taking place up and down the country, Dave in Exeter sitting in a bath of economy baked beans for 24 hours, office staff nationwide making tits out of themselves, red noses falling off after 2 minutes, embarassing wigs..... i'm struggling to think what else goes on but luckily the BBC web page is jam packed with ideas.

Here's a few of them..........


Wear something funny - Spend the day in your pyjamas, dress as your favourite comedy character or put your clothes on back to front get sponsored to do it on your own or do it en masse with colleagues or classmates and charge everyone to join in. - Yea, i'll pay the few pounds but i think i'll be fine in my shirt and tie, next...

Wax it - Your chest, your legs, your back, if it's hairy, get sponsored and get it waxed for cash - How original, the laughs will soon cease when some fat twat takes advantage and gets himself a free back sack and crack wax

Zip It!
Get sponsored to keep shtum for a day. You might be surprised how much your family or colleagues will cough up in order for you to keep quiet! - My favourite idea of them all. Working in a crowded office silence is golden, even if they just went a day without talking about Strictly come dancing

Jail break - Get sponsored to compete against friends or colleagues to get as far away from your university or workplace as you can on the smallest budget possible. - The laughs will soon dry up when you return to work to find your P45 waiting on your desk

Watch something funny - Invite your mates round and watch some classic comedy films. Charge for the comfiest seats and sell refreshments. - What? watch a DVD? what about all them class sketches you had lined up for us on BBC? Now your saying not to bother with them? But the teaser adverts looked hilarious.









p.s. For anyone interested in buying some cake i will be selling them down an abandoned mineshaft in Wales at £50 a slice.