Getting on my optic nerves

After 2 months of recurring eye infections i am now sick of the sight of Specsavers "Oh the irony"

Another appointment is scheduled Saturday and like a true speccy cunt i will be collecting a new pair of glasses Wednesday.

I find the process of buying glasses largely irritating, from the moment you walk in and have to choose which of the 5,000 reception desks to approach, right down to the tedium of choosing which colour case you want.

I have a bit of a thing about hygeine and so when faced with having to touch something that thousands of the public have already touched it can get a bit much. An eye test requires one to "just pop your chin on the rest" i'd rather pop a cap in my own ass. Paranoia often has me convinced that the last customer with their chin on the rest has been indulging in a sordid act before their test resulting in shit or jizz dribbling down their chin and so after most visits to the opticians i will wash my chin furiously upon returning home.

The test itself is quite bland and there's a good reference to it in an episode of Family Guy where i think Peter expresses his disappointment with fictional Disney film "Jafar may need glasses"

A common flaw i've noticed is that they tend to use the same sheets so you'll see for instance ......


A F V C


......and you'll be able to read it no bother... but then later you'll see


A F V C

and you'll know it says A F V C but only because you saw it in massive letters a few seconds ago. They should use a different set of letters so it's not already in your mind


Maybe difficult to convey via blog but i know what i mean. Bottom line is the test is boring...and flawed, anyway once your through with this you can checkout the "cool frames"

I recently discovered that you can try on different frames online and as this meant avoiding wearing glasses that thousands of other people (possibly scat fetishists who may have had faeces behind their ears) have worn, i thought i'd upload my picture and give it a go.

This online feature also meant you can be a bit daring and try on daft ones that you may be too embarassed to try in store (although no matter what you choose you're going to look like a speccy prick). Also you don't have to wait for the mirrors to free up and have the inconvenience of people getting in your way or staff asking if you need any assistance.

If for some reason you don't have any pictures to upload it gives you the option of using a default one from a list. There's 12 different faces available including 4 varieties of "rectangular" 3 "oval", 3 "round" and 2 "square". I don't see the sense in this really as none of the people on it look remotely like me. Supposing i reckoned i had a square head then i'd have to use a picture of a 50 something woman or a black man in his late 20's, neither of which would really give an accurate depiction of whatthey'd look like on me.


All the glasses have daft names like "Clint" "Harold" "Martin" etc, it seemed somewhat surreal scrolling through the catalogue. As if we were living under a dictatorship and being assigned a certain look. Thankfully though we live in a democracy, as i didn't care much for the "Michael" and so now on wednesday i will become the embarassed and ashamed owner of a pair of "Clint's"