Yesterday whilst driving to Netto i once again suffered at the hands of the general public.
I'm not one of these do gooders who slows down and lets people out of junctions etc. Theres no point whatsoever. It just gets you further behind in the queue so there's absolutely no advantage to be gained from letting someone out...unless of course they have one of those hilarious "Dad's taxi" stickers in the back HAHAHAHA funny that isn't it?, the amount of times i've wrote off my vehicle having lost control due to laughing. Dad's taxi.....funny as. I can't wait to have kids so i can get one of them.
Anyway....on this occasion i was forced into letting a bus pull out. This angered me greatly but what happened next nearly made me sick...
..the driver put his arm out of the window and did a sort of Cowabunga, surfs up! gesture with his thumb and little finger. It was embarassing in the extreme and had i known he was going to do it i'd of made it my mission to ram him off the road. What a cretin.
Sunday 28 March 2010
Saturday 13 March 2010
Lids
Today i was throwing some jars out for the recycling and noticed the words "depressed reject" on a lid. This cracked me up. After the laughter subsided i studied it further and realised it actually read "Reject if button is depressed"
Why did i only see "depressed reject" ??? Maybe because i am one. And perhaps someone thought it was necessary to point this out via jar lid.
hmmm
Why did i only see "depressed reject" ??? Maybe because i am one. And perhaps someone thought it was necessary to point this out via jar lid.
hmmm
Wednesday 3 March 2010
National chlamydia screening programme
Upon returning from work today i was greeted by a mystery package awaiting on the cabinet. Not my DVD's...wrong shape. Hmm what could it be?
Yahhey, a letter from the NHS!.....informing me that I'm in the privileged position of being aged 20-24 and therefore entitled to some shit boxer shorts and a handful of Johnnys if i fill a jar with piss and send it back. Actually my wording there wouldnt look out of place in their flyers.
Indeed the text is dumbed down to an embarassing degree.....
"You will be asked to give a urine (wee) sample"
"women can take a swab from the lower vagina (a cotton bud is used to wipe the area)"
"may cause infertility (being unable to have kids)"
"painful testicles (balls)"
I'm not sure if it's the government trying to be all hip or whether they think people are really that stupid and are genuinely baffled by the word "Testicles" etc
It's probably a bit of both.......or rather, a lot of both.
The sad truth is people probably are that stupid and it's insulting to be tarred with the same brush. Why not just leave them to go infirtile? (be unable to have children) and spare us another generation of slack jawed fuckwits.
Yahhey, a letter from the NHS!.....informing me that I'm in the privileged position of being aged 20-24 and therefore entitled to some shit boxer shorts and a handful of Johnnys if i fill a jar with piss and send it back. Actually my wording there wouldnt look out of place in their flyers.
Indeed the text is dumbed down to an embarassing degree.....
"You will be asked to give a urine (wee) sample"
"women can take a swab from the lower vagina (a cotton bud is used to wipe the area)"
"may cause infertility (being unable to have kids)"
"painful testicles (balls)"
I'm not sure if it's the government trying to be all hip or whether they think people are really that stupid and are genuinely baffled by the word "Testicles" etc
It's probably a bit of both.......or rather, a lot of both.
The sad truth is people probably are that stupid and it's insulting to be tarred with the same brush. Why not just leave them to go infirtile? (be unable to have children) and spare us another generation of slack jawed fuckwits.
Tuesday 2 March 2010
Fresh air
I'd always thought magic trees were just for wankers but after deciding my car smelt a bit like soil and old men, i decided to swallow my pride and get one.
New to the game, i was at first bamboozled by the choice on offer. "Forest fresh" what kind of Forest? wont that just make it smell of damp wood? "Black ice" what could that smell of? Black ice would seem the obvious answer but that doesn't really explain anything at all. Ice that is black. Hmm.
After some deep soul searching i opted for blueberry and haven't looked back. It's like being sat with a giant muffin in the passenger seat.... minus the funny looks from pedestrians and restricted view. It's such a treat to finish a day's office torment, get in the car and be seduced by a blueberry aroma.
This reminds me...
...the other day at work i was walking from one building to another and noticed loud music coming from a car. Tribal music, possibly Ladysmith Black Mambazo (off the bean advert). As i got closer i noticed a 40 something bloke sat laughing with the window down. What was so funny?
New to the game, i was at first bamboozled by the choice on offer. "Forest fresh" what kind of Forest? wont that just make it smell of damp wood? "Black ice" what could that smell of? Black ice would seem the obvious answer but that doesn't really explain anything at all. Ice that is black. Hmm.
After some deep soul searching i opted for blueberry and haven't looked back. It's like being sat with a giant muffin in the passenger seat.... minus the funny looks from pedestrians and restricted view. It's such a treat to finish a day's office torment, get in the car and be seduced by a blueberry aroma.
This reminds me...
...the other day at work i was walking from one building to another and noticed loud music coming from a car. Tribal music, possibly Ladysmith Black Mambazo (off the bean advert). As i got closer i noticed a 40 something bloke sat laughing with the window down. What was so funny?
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