"I asked my son what he wanted for christmas and he said he wants a wii...
... i said you know where the toilet is"
Having to hear the above joke an obscene amount of times at work courtesy of a cretinous colleague isn't the only thing that riles me about the wii, It goes much deeper than that.
Cringeworthy adverts with the Redknapp family playing mariokart cause maximum distress. Presumably they're meant to portray a heartwarming family moment but they're just plain embarassing. I hope never to find myself in a situation where i utter the words "that's a spin attack coming your way Dad" I'm not sure hearing Louise announce "i love beating you" is in any way neccesary either. The only redeeming aspect is that one of the fitness games labels Jamie a "casual athelete" - one look at his career appearance stats confirms that.
It's a mystery why everyone seems hell bent on replacing actual activities with virtual bullshit. Deluded idiots who think theyre going to "get buff" simply by arsing around with the wii would do better getting a grip on reality rather than a joypad. Once the novelty wears off and they realise that - actually this isn't anything like real bowling/tennis/skiing/angling/etc, it will be thrown in the attic with the cross trainer (and fuck knows what else) and they will no doubt revert to their favourite excercises - watching TV, eating, drinking and wanking......simultaneously.
All too often my protests are countered by claims that "it's good family fun" or "a good laugh when you have a party" but it just isn't. The appeal of Guitar Hero in particular is mindbending. I thought "air guitar" was embarassing but at least there's no cost involved. It's saying something when the cast of the DFS Nickelback advert have got one up on you.
What makes it all the more baffling is the fact that you could buy a real guitar for the same price and actually achieve something. But wheres the fun in learning chords scales etc when you could just mash your fingers off 5 different coloured buttons like the massive talentless dildo head that you really are? Surely it's only a matter of time before it comes complete with a set of inflatable groupies with coloured coded tits, etc to help otherwise clueless cunts navigate their way around.
If you can't be arsed learning an instrument, chances are your equally non plussed by the prospect of going to acting classes. Fear not though because the game "You're in the movies" provides the perfect alternative. If the advert is anything to go by then the pinnacle of great cinema and fun is running on the spot while being chased by the most unconvincing of aliens. In it's defence it still looks better than being in any Will Ferrel film (and yes i am including "semi pro").
Finally the woeful DS advert in which Ronan Keating struggles to solve basic brain teasers deserves a mention. Its a shame i can't train my brain to switch off when shite adverts appear on screen.
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