Yule blog

It's strange how in the space of 9 hours you can go from the lows of being sick outside your local, dressed as santa and clutching a Heron frozen foods bag to the highs of spotting the Mickey Rourke lookalike on your street and finally getting a decent snap.






Another Normanby lookalike chalked off. Merry Christmas!

Christmas TV was appaling. Eastenders shouldn't exist. Not once has there been a storyline with even a hint of optimism. And why do the BBC feel it's now a necessity to have a Royle family christmas special each year? It's not funny. The formula has been done to death.

Also...

...anyone who has developed a thing for Stacey Solomon, just think about this...


Neil off the Inbetweeners. Both in manner and appearance.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas eve continued

Shopping done.

Wasn't all that bad actually. My role was mainly chauffeur. Once out the car we split up and agreed to meet in an hour. I was given the task of going to get 10 "nice cards" and some tomato sauce from B&M. Proper christmas essentials.

Finished and with plenty of time to spare, i spent 40 minutes wandering aimlessly round town in a state of awe at how dreadful the general public are. Chances are if you're a woman in a relationship, your boyfriend has got you some "charms" from the Pandora shop.

I also had the privilage of seeing this....



The picture is shit but the dog had fairy lights attached to it.

Our tree remains boxed, though it'll have to wait til christmas morning now. I need to get ready for the annual get cunted in the conquest christmas eve mash up.

Christmas eve

It's 01:12 On christmas eve.

I should really be in bed. There's a lot to do tomorrow.

We haven't even got the tree up yet. It was fair enough last year, Christmas was always going to be a write off. I think it's more down to laziness this time around.

Dad wants me to take him out shopping in the morning. Fuck knows why it's been left this late. I can only imagine that it's going to be like walking into a particularly bad christmas special. A boring storyline where cretins scramble round for the last Turkey and nobody laughing.

Open your arse

For the last few days I've had Cliff Richard's (i'm deliberately missing out "Sir" as not to give him the satisfaction) Saviour's day stuck in my head.
To compound matters i'm replacing the word eyes with the word arse. So in my head the song now goes "Open your arse on saviour's day" etc

I'm not sure if this improves the situation or if i even find it amusing but that's irrelevant because it's happening in my head and surely that's not my fault. I'm accepting it in the same way i accept that we have no control over our dreams. Nor but mate sub consciously.....

I just hope it stops soon.

A Grammy Chess Board?

While he's fresh in the mind...

In the song "Freakin' it" Will Smith makes a ridiculous claim with regards to a popular board game....

"So many awards i could start a Grammy chess board"

So why doesn't he?

Probably because he only has 4 Grammys and there are 32 peices on a chess board.

He could perhaps use other awards and provide a key showing what peice each award equates to but it all seems a bit much for a game of chess.

It's nothing more than an idle threat. The song has been out over a decade. If he was serious, he'd of done it by now.

He might as well be saying Yo Yo Yo i'm going to make a wallet out of my scrotum.

No you're not Will.

Never Before Has An Extra From A Will Smith Video Been So Right

Jack Frost has indeed lost his mind.

But sadly he's not the only one. There were some bizarre scenes on saturday as a neighbourhood dig unfolded.




It had got to that point on a saturday where i'd just about got my bearings, had breakfast, and then been forced to ponder my next move after becoming incensed at my brother's channel hopping. (This seems to always end in him putting soccer AM on, me protesting that it's total shit and him agreeing but for some reason not changing the channel) Routinely at this point i stand up, stretch out at the window, let out a groan and gaze at the world outside. Only this time instead of the usual calm there was frantic digging and people walking about with pickaxes.

What i found particularly baffling was that the ice had started to thaw out and was now only causing a minor inconvenience. Why waste time on a saturday clearing it for minimal benefit?



Days earlier i'd been dug out by two old men. That's not a euphemism, my car had become stuck in deep snow and the only movement it could manage was a sort of jerking up and down. A bit like one of those shit flight simulators (shite simulators) from the early 90's. Anyway i sort of owed these guys one now and the moment i made eye contact and waved it was game over. It'd be shameful not to help out now however pointless i deemed the excercise.

What followed was an hour of digging and the creation of 3 giant speed bumps. A real triumph for a hard core do-gooder but the big bumps in the road probably make it worse for cars now.




That said it was nice to see the community spirit and if nothing else i enjoyed hacking the road to peices with the pickaxe.

Craic at work

Never let it be said that you can't have a laugh in the workplace.






HAHAHA!!!!!!!

totally bonkers eh?

And that's not to mention the e-mails.

You'll piss yourself when you see the picture of Mr Bean as a baby.

This Year's Mustn't Have DVD's

Danny Dyer's Football Foul Ups - Clips you've seen a million times before only now with the inconvenience of having to listen to horrendous cockney drivel in the background courtesy of Danny Dire. It's rated PG so expect to hear the word Mug at least 400 times.

Avatar 3D - Mate it's like they're right there in your living room. It'll blow you away mate! - Thing is, i don't want a bunch of blue wankers anywhere near my living room. I'd sooner blow myself away.

Whatever Jethro/Chubby Brown tosh has been released - Garbage

Scottish Notes

Shitemare.

Got a Scottish note in my change today......

It's nearly here!

ooooohhhhh!!! Now i know it's nearly christmas!!!!

I've just seen THAT advert!!!!!

HO! HO! HO!


Yep, it appears that "Jethro" has released another shit DVD just in time for the festive season.

#32

One day i'm going to march into Bianco's and order number 32.




Just to see what happens.