haha, Rio Ferdinand has been snapped in a training session and will miss the world cup.
Apparently it was in a challenge with Emile Heskey. It's likely to be his only decent contribution to our chances as he's the absolute billy shits and couldn't score in a brothel.
Friday, 4 June 2010
Tuesday, 1 June 2010
Monday, 31 May 2010
Tell you what
My favourite song about a sleeping GP is probably Dr Jones by Aqua.
Also... when Shaggy said "It wasn't me" was this in response to someone asking him "who made a positive contribution to pop music in the 1990's/early 2000?"
Also... when Shaggy said "It wasn't me" was this in response to someone asking him "who made a positive contribution to pop music in the 1990's/early 2000?"
My Milkshake
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard however such is it's low quality and poor taste many of them leave dis-satisfied and vow never to return.
Saturday, 29 May 2010
A testament to human stupidity
I'm not that into other people.
Problem is though, they do exist. And it's impossible to avoid them. A fact that becomes tragically evident whenever you go to a supermarket.
Doing the "big shop" is absolutely dire and i know i've ranted about this topic before so i'll try not to go on too long.
The only redeeming feature i've found is getting a cheap laugh out of the own brand products such as "Neat Wheat" etc. Lidl is a goldmine for this kind of thing and it's always the highlight of the trip. I'll take pictures on my phone of items i find particularly amusing. It's worth the risk of looking a bit odd- What? seen him taking pictures of stuff, that's weird. So fuck mate. you shop in Lidl, so there's no real winners here- I'll get round to uploading them eventually....then you'll see.
Anyway back to people. The general public are just awful. But in the more scunnery shops the clientel are almost sub human. Netto on saturday being a prime example. It was here that i heard the most ridiculous conversation ever.....
Two scunners were filling their trolley with gear for what looked likely to be the most depressing camping trip ever. (I'm basing this on the fact that they had 2 sleeping bags, loads of yoghurts, a few bottles of Lambrini & some Spaghetti Hoops) At the checkout one of the duo noticed a pack of batteries and remarked "These ones charge themselves"
I'm not entirely sure what he meant by this but i'm guessing that they were rechargable. Idiotic yes, but i could let that go. What happened next though can't be excused. His mate asked "So what do you do then?......Just put them in a pan?" At which point i almost lost the will to live. Sadly i was so incensed by the idiocy of the pair that i couldn't focus properly and missed the rest of the conversation but fucking hell. Yeah mate. Just whack them in the pan. Of course. Christ, how do you get that fucking stupid? Really?
Problem is though, they do exist. And it's impossible to avoid them. A fact that becomes tragically evident whenever you go to a supermarket.
Doing the "big shop" is absolutely dire and i know i've ranted about this topic before so i'll try not to go on too long.
The only redeeming feature i've found is getting a cheap laugh out of the own brand products such as "Neat Wheat" etc. Lidl is a goldmine for this kind of thing and it's always the highlight of the trip. I'll take pictures on my phone of items i find particularly amusing. It's worth the risk of looking a bit odd- What? seen him taking pictures of stuff, that's weird. So fuck mate. you shop in Lidl, so there's no real winners here- I'll get round to uploading them eventually....then you'll see.
Anyway back to people. The general public are just awful. But in the more scunnery shops the clientel are almost sub human. Netto on saturday being a prime example. It was here that i heard the most ridiculous conversation ever.....
Two scunners were filling their trolley with gear for what looked likely to be the most depressing camping trip ever. (I'm basing this on the fact that they had 2 sleeping bags, loads of yoghurts, a few bottles of Lambrini & some Spaghetti Hoops) At the checkout one of the duo noticed a pack of batteries and remarked "These ones charge themselves"
I'm not entirely sure what he meant by this but i'm guessing that they were rechargable. Idiotic yes, but i could let that go. What happened next though can't be excused. His mate asked "So what do you do then?......Just put them in a pan?" At which point i almost lost the will to live. Sadly i was so incensed by the idiocy of the pair that i couldn't focus properly and missed the rest of the conversation but fucking hell. Yeah mate. Just whack them in the pan. Of course. Christ, how do you get that fucking stupid? Really?
Thursday, 20 May 2010
A dream come true
Often i daydream and think wouldn't it be class to write an episode of Eastenders where someone goes mental and does something absolutely crackers?
Like Billy Mitchell setting up a harness that spins round in the Queen Vic then stripping naked, fastening himself in and proceeding to defacate on the entire cast for a full 2 minutes. After which they start to bottle him, then cut him down, kick him to death and toss his corpse out into the square.
Sadly though my visions will never make it onto your screens but tonight the next best thing happened.
I'll probably post a youtube link when someone uploads the clip but basically Phil Mitchell calls someone a stupid fat cow then runs home and punches his son (who's about 10 years old) full force in the face.
Genius.
Like Billy Mitchell setting up a harness that spins round in the Queen Vic then stripping naked, fastening himself in and proceeding to defacate on the entire cast for a full 2 minutes. After which they start to bottle him, then cut him down, kick him to death and toss his corpse out into the square.
Sadly though my visions will never make it onto your screens but tonight the next best thing happened.
I'll probably post a youtube link when someone uploads the clip but basically Phil Mitchell calls someone a stupid fat cow then runs home and punches his son (who's about 10 years old) full force in the face.
Genius.
Tuesday, 18 May 2010
Sticking at it
I'm making good progress with my World cup sticker album....
I'm still quick to dismiss any comments about it being childish "how old are you?" etc. It's not as if i'm pissing my pants in a supermarket or building a den.
I don't even get embarassed at the checkout. Well i did once but theres a story to it....
They were giving away a free pack of stickers in Morrisons when you spend £20 or more. So when i was shopping with my Dad he asked the old lady in front of us if she was using her stickers. This just confused her and caused blank looks all round. I could only watch in horror whilst turning betroot red until the situation eased.
Anyway, after failing to fill the 2006 album i'm determined to fill this year.
At 50p a packet (5 stickers) though, my wallet is taking a hammering. Luckily a friend has gone a bit nuts, spent a crazy amount and given me a load of his swaps for free. These days we don't have the luxury of a playground full of kids to swap with....well without getting taken down the station for questioning.
It's a bit of a shame like. I sort of miss the element of swapping this time round. Everyone remembers "Got, got, need"
With less people to trade with i've taken to grabbing a handful of my swaps each time i go on a night out and then occasionally leaving them on walls, windows etc. It provides mild amusement.
In school i had about 50x Uwe Roslers (the former Man City ace) at one point. These days oafish, quivering lipped, cretin Rio Ferdinand appears to be the most common swap. Much to my dismay. Maybe it's one of his hilarious "world cup wind ups"
I'm still quick to dismiss any comments about it being childish "how old are you?" etc. It's not as if i'm pissing my pants in a supermarket or building a den.
I don't even get embarassed at the checkout. Well i did once but theres a story to it....
They were giving away a free pack of stickers in Morrisons when you spend £20 or more. So when i was shopping with my Dad he asked the old lady in front of us if she was using her stickers. This just confused her and caused blank looks all round. I could only watch in horror whilst turning betroot red until the situation eased.
Anyway, after failing to fill the 2006 album i'm determined to fill this year.
At 50p a packet (5 stickers) though, my wallet is taking a hammering. Luckily a friend has gone a bit nuts, spent a crazy amount and given me a load of his swaps for free. These days we don't have the luxury of a playground full of kids to swap with....well without getting taken down the station for questioning.
It's a bit of a shame like. I sort of miss the element of swapping this time round. Everyone remembers "Got, got, need"
With less people to trade with i've taken to grabbing a handful of my swaps each time i go on a night out and then occasionally leaving them on walls, windows etc. It provides mild amusement.
In school i had about 50x Uwe Roslers (the former Man City ace) at one point. These days oafish, quivering lipped, cretin Rio Ferdinand appears to be the most common swap. Much to my dismay. Maybe it's one of his hilarious "world cup wind ups"
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