Phoned "Lizzie" back this morning. Turns out it wasn't too late to apply and i was put through a phone interview with a view to appearing on the show.

She asked basic questions about my job, hobbies and lifestyle. Strangely enough she didn't seem overly interested in what I intended to serve the guests. Truth be told i'd like to give them a scunner's banquet - Corned beef cubes on cocktail sticks for starters, Rustler Burger for the main course, and a Curly Wurly for afters - I didn't say that of course, just said i had a few ideas.

Overall I think I did ok but struggled to think of a form of entertainment. But christ i've seen some episodes where the "entertainment" was fucking excruciating. The worst case being where some mosher lass was playing acoustic emo songs.

I've been getting a bit carried away actually. When i'm cooking now i'll talk through what i'm doing to an imaginery camera and then slag off my imaginery guests. Particularly Barry, who is getting on my tits.

Should probably try not to think about it. They'll just pick a bunch of dicks like the last time they came to Teesside.