Working in an office full of women is crackers. Every 5 minutes they're doing a collection for something or other. The other week i turned down the opportunity to sponsor "the cleaner from my son's school" on whatever activity she was doing.
What a distant link. The cleaner who works at the school of someone you've never met.
Madness.
Anyway, this week the Euro lottery apparently rolled over. This prompted my colleagues to start a syndicate whereby we all put £2 in and have a go.
I know it's not compulsory and i shouldn't really moan but on the off chance that they all won and i never joined in i really do think i' end up hanging myself. I'm just baffled by the logic. We're playing the euro lottery this week because it's a roll-over. Right so any other week you'd turn your nose up at the standard jackpot?
Thursday 30 September 2010
Tuesday 28 September 2010
Another tearjerking shopping experience.
I've just got back from the shops.
The Special Brew was reduced to 50p.
The Space raiders multipacks were reduced to £1
And i was reduced to tears as i saw my reflection on the way out.
The Special Brew was reduced to 50p.
The Space raiders multipacks were reduced to £1
And i was reduced to tears as i saw my reflection on the way out.
Sunday 26 September 2010
Chicharito?
How come Javier Hernandez gets to wear a shirt with "Chicharito" on the back?
Apparently it's his nickname and translates as "little pea"
Besides making him sound like a fanny, it's not his actual name.
So what if there was a player who was nicknamed fish fingers? Could he have that printed on the back of his shirt?
Apparently it's his nickname and translates as "little pea"
Besides making him sound like a fanny, it's not his actual name.
So what if there was a player who was nicknamed fish fingers? Could he have that printed on the back of his shirt?
Tuesday 21 September 2010
icouldn't give a fuck
Man i wish i had an iphone. Everyone seems to be having a hoot with this fat face "app"
Can't afford an iphone though. I'll have to just eat like a pig for a few weeks until i become morbidly obese, take some photos, then lose all the weight again.
Oh well. It should be a laugh.
Can't afford an iphone though. I'll have to just eat like a pig for a few weeks until i become morbidly obese, take some photos, then lose all the weight again.
Oh well. It should be a laugh.
Monday 20 September 2010
Fuckin' Solid Me Like
I've had enough. It's time people started taking me seriously.
I need to establish my hard man credentials.
First thing tomorrow i'm getting my initials tattooed behind my ear.
I need to establish my hard man credentials.
First thing tomorrow i'm getting my initials tattooed behind my ear.
Sunday 19 September 2010
Kelis' Milkshake :S
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
And they're like, it's better than yours
Damn right it's better than yours
I could teach you
But I have to charge
It's better than yours???
Puzzling....as my mental image was one of a yard where boys turn up and purchase milkshake from Kelis herself. So if she was the salesman why are they saying it's better than yours when it is hers? Unless they're referring to a previous batch she produced. Even so they'd probably phrase it different and the lyrics would then read something like "and they're like oooh is this a new recipe" or something.
Or does it mean "yours" as in the mine/the listeners??? in which case it's even more baffling as i've never claimed to be in any way part of the dairy trade.
And they're like, it's better than yours
Damn right it's better than yours
I could teach you
But I have to charge
It's better than yours???
Puzzling....as my mental image was one of a yard where boys turn up and purchase milkshake from Kelis herself. So if she was the salesman why are they saying it's better than yours when it is hers? Unless they're referring to a previous batch she produced. Even so they'd probably phrase it different and the lyrics would then read something like "and they're like oooh is this a new recipe" or something.
Or does it mean "yours" as in the mine/the listeners??? in which case it's even more baffling as i've never claimed to be in any way part of the dairy trade.
Wednesday 15 September 2010
:(
Nightmare
I tried to get tickets for the Pope's visit online but failed. I had a few problems with my Papal account.
I tried to get tickets for the Pope's visit online but failed. I had a few problems with my Papal account.
Tuesday 14 September 2010
SH 1TE
The age of getting this that and the other "to your mobile" is absolutely dire. So much of it is just unnecessary bullshit.
A prime example being that advert where you text your car registraton number and get a message back telling you how much it's worth.
What if i smeared faeces all over the upholstery, filled the glove box with piss, then stamped on the bonnet and smashed all the windows in?
The device would be none the wiser. So how could it possibly give an accurate valuation?
A prime example being that advert where you text your car registraton number and get a message back telling you how much it's worth.
What if i smeared faeces all over the upholstery, filled the glove box with piss, then stamped on the bonnet and smashed all the windows in?
The device would be none the wiser. So how could it possibly give an accurate valuation?
Monday 13 September 2010
50% of my goals achieved.
About a month ago i achieved one of my 2 goals in life.
Eating "Eggs Benedict"
It certainly was delicious.
Afterwards however i realised i only had one remaining ambition...to attend Oktoberfest. It was obvious i needed to think up new goals and so my list now reads:
Boil an Ostrich egg and get it "scotched up" at a butchers
Insult a minor celebrity
Go to Oktoberfest
That should keep me occupied until the grim reaper comes calling.
Eating "Eggs Benedict"
It certainly was delicious.
Afterwards however i realised i only had one remaining ambition...to attend Oktoberfest. It was obvious i needed to think up new goals and so my list now reads:
Boil an Ostrich egg and get it "scotched up" at a butchers
Insult a minor celebrity
Go to Oktoberfest
That should keep me occupied until the grim reaper comes calling.
Wednesday 8 September 2010
Dog Shit
Imagine a Dog with it's own Twitter page.
Ok then, if that's a bit unrealistic. Imagine a Police force setting up a twitter page on behalf of one of it's sniffer dogs.
Surely not?
Tragically i'm not making this up. The West Midlands Police have set up a page for "Smithy", a 2 year old Labrador trained in finding blood and human remains.
This really is one of the worst ideas i've ever heard. And as much as i hate to use the cliche, don't they have anything better to do?
I'm sure they will argue that it is in some way raising awareness of crimes etc but it doesn't seem to be the case from where i'm standing. So far there have been 52 tweets, of which 3 are about a missing person and one about a dead body being found in a disused building. The other 98% is woeful attempts at comedy and vague information. Stuff like this.....
been out for a run !!! nights tonight, gonna get my head down and dream of chasing cats !!!
1,283,604,039,000.00 via web
One of our on going cases I've been sniffing around at....can you help Staffs police
1,283,778,182,000.00 via web
Check me out !!!page 11 of the Sunday Mercury,,,pity the photographer got my woof side!
1,283,701,048,000.00 via web
This twitter stuff is killing my claws work need to get me an ipaw! i mean ipad!
1,283,787,734,000.00 via web
Funny isn't he?
Though realistically the only thing a dog could type would be mkm,brewz.m,erwd,l m m rdq2lre';dre,,m,d./;lewk,.w,.msdp[qwe[]q2#2w/m,ashsajklfjkjkfsdkljdnsfjkd bs bn bbnbnbdeioirp][qweppweq][ordow etc, not the etc....Or any of this, just the jumbled letters. If you want to know what a dog dreams about or how it's found it's day at work well it's tough shit because you never will. It's the work of some crank who is not a dog...nor is he in possession of any shame.
Smithy has 155 followers. There is nothing to justify any time being spent on this excercise.
Ok then, if that's a bit unrealistic. Imagine a Police force setting up a twitter page on behalf of one of it's sniffer dogs.
Surely not?
Tragically i'm not making this up. The West Midlands Police have set up a page for "Smithy", a 2 year old Labrador trained in finding blood and human remains.
This really is one of the worst ideas i've ever heard. And as much as i hate to use the cliche, don't they have anything better to do?
I'm sure they will argue that it is in some way raising awareness of crimes etc but it doesn't seem to be the case from where i'm standing. So far there have been 52 tweets, of which 3 are about a missing person and one about a dead body being found in a disused building. The other 98% is woeful attempts at comedy and vague information. Stuff like this.....
been out for a run !!! nights tonight, gonna get my head down and dream of chasing cats !!!
1,283,604,039,000.00 via web
One of our on going cases I've been sniffing around at....can you help Staffs police
1,283,778,182,000.00 via web
Check me out !!!page 11 of the Sunday Mercury,,,pity the photographer got my woof side!
1,283,701,048,000.00 via web
This twitter stuff is killing my claws work need to get me an ipaw! i mean ipad!
1,283,787,734,000.00 via web
Funny isn't he?
Though realistically the only thing a dog could type would be mkm,brewz.m,erwd,l m m rdq2lre';dre,,m,d./;lewk,.w,.msdp[qwe[]q2#2w/m,ashsajklfjkjkfsdkljdnsfjkd bs bn bbnbnbdeioirp][qweppweq][ordow etc, not the etc....Or any of this, just the jumbled letters. If you want to know what a dog dreams about or how it's found it's day at work well it's tough shit because you never will. It's the work of some crank who is not a dog...nor is he in possession of any shame.
Smithy has 155 followers. There is nothing to justify any time being spent on this excercise.
Monday 6 September 2010
Sunday 5 September 2010
Lookalikes
I've wanted to write about this for ages but was lacking any photographic evidence so it wouldn't of made much sense.
For some time now Normanby has been crawling with fake celebrities or lookalikes. These include.
Roy Walker
Mickey Rourke
Gordon Brown
Tuncay Sanli
Gordon Ramsay
Martin O'Neill
Sven Goran Eriksson
A mix of Raymond Van Barnaveld and Sean Williamson (Barry off Eastenders)
The dead Bee Gee....... Robin Gibb?
Avram Grant
Fabio Capello
My friend often gets likened to Dr Who and for some reason people feel the need to point this out to him every time he goes out. Having witnessed first hand the grief it causes i have a bit more tact than to approach these lookalikes and ask for a photo. As a result we often try to take pictures on the sly which seem to always come out shit. Last night though Capello was lapping it up and openly encouraging people to have photos taken. Clearly revelling in his 15 minutes of fame.
For some time now Normanby has been crawling with fake celebrities or lookalikes. These include.
Roy Walker
Mickey Rourke
Gordon Brown
Tuncay Sanli
Gordon Ramsay
Martin O'Neill
Sven Goran Eriksson
A mix of Raymond Van Barnaveld and Sean Williamson (Barry off Eastenders)
The dead Bee Gee....... Robin Gibb?
Avram Grant
Fabio Capello
My friend often gets likened to Dr Who and for some reason people feel the need to point this out to him every time he goes out. Having witnessed first hand the grief it causes i have a bit more tact than to approach these lookalikes and ask for a photo. As a result we often try to take pictures on the sly which seem to always come out shit. Last night though Capello was lapping it up and openly encouraging people to have photos taken. Clearly revelling in his 15 minutes of fame.
Blog, typing, keyboard, screen
A few months back i was in Whitby and whilst gazing into a shop window noticed a mug in the shape of a football. On most of the panels there was a phrase you would associate with the game. "Throw in, corner, off-side, goal" and more.
After registering this i walked away feeling a mixture of irritation and confusion.
Who designed this mug? Presumably it was aimed at a football fan and therefore wasn't it sufficient that the mug was shaped like a football? These additional phrases are totally redundant. And totally lacking in imagination. "Throw in" nice one. Hardly exciting.....unless it's a Delap.
I frequently think about this mug and have since started to notice that the same design process is applied to allsorts of things.
Our canteen at work has recently been renovated but a paint job just wasn't enough. Someone thought it was essential to print buzz words like "spicy, delicious" etc in a nice font all over the walls. What this adds to the dining experience i don't know. (i tend not to eat in there anyway as it's hard to get an appetite when you're sat next to someone in pjyamas or on a drip)
If this kind of lazy design process is acceptable i think i'm going to get in on it and make my own bathroom tiles. Buzz words will include, "shit, piss & cry"
After registering this i walked away feeling a mixture of irritation and confusion.
Who designed this mug? Presumably it was aimed at a football fan and therefore wasn't it sufficient that the mug was shaped like a football? These additional phrases are totally redundant. And totally lacking in imagination. "Throw in" nice one. Hardly exciting.....unless it's a Delap.
I frequently think about this mug and have since started to notice that the same design process is applied to allsorts of things.
Our canteen at work has recently been renovated but a paint job just wasn't enough. Someone thought it was essential to print buzz words like "spicy, delicious" etc in a nice font all over the walls. What this adds to the dining experience i don't know. (i tend not to eat in there anyway as it's hard to get an appetite when you're sat next to someone in pjyamas or on a drip)
If this kind of lazy design process is acceptable i think i'm going to get in on it and make my own bathroom tiles. Buzz words will include, "shit, piss & cry"
Wednesday 1 September 2010
A worrying MSN conversation
Found this that i saved from a few weeks ago.
It's a conversation between myself and 2 friends on MSN. I don't know why i kept this particular one because they happen all the time.
It's pretty shit craic really but it cracked me up.........
Kev says:
alright guys
wanna do somthing?
Michael Brown - says:
now then gaylords
im playing footy
and im skint
Kev says:
ahhhh
fuck it then
Michael Brown - says:
haha
Peter says:
hahaha
Kev says:
fucking shite
Peter says:
shitey shite
Kev says:
hey its shitsville isnt it
Peter says:
yeah it is like
USA
Kev says:
shite oclock
Peter says:
shite in basket
a basket
Kev says:
shite in ya shampoo
Peter says:
haha
theatre of shite
Kev says:
need a shite? go to the bogs mate
shite mice
Peter says:
cant, someones had a shit3e
Michael Brown - says:
shite in a bun
Kev says:
shit in your undies
undies in your shit
Peter says:
Shitty undies that have shite on
Kev says:
shite on ya bike
Peter says:
shite-ing on the freeway
Kev says:
shit in the shite
shite in the teapot
Peter says:
sprayshite
Kev says:
half of a coconut full of shite
shits himself
Peter says:
shats its knickers
Kev says:
shite on mars
Peter says:
Shitecael Barrymore
Kev says:
fishing for shit
Peter says:
Shite0ing for soup
$hite
Kev says:
shit in the biscuit tin
Peter says:
biscuits in the shit tin
Kev says:
cack on ya creamcake
cacking down the banister
Michael Brown - says:
cornflakes covered in cack
Peter says:
I dont want a shit, DJ
Kev says:
dogshit on the beach
Michael Brown - says:
life is a rollercoaster
full of shit
Peter says:
shite
shite 2
Michael Brown - says:
don't worry, his bark is worse than his shite
Peter says:
Shite: The SHITENING
Michael Brown - says:
shitesize peices
Peter says:
Burns road fish and shit shop
Kev says:
welll im glad we had this chat lads
Peter says:
so am i
i would like to bring something new to the table
Michael Brown - says:
i've got more to get off my chest
Peter says:
and its this:
Michael Brown - says:
more shite that is
Peter says:
Titsco
Michael Brown - says:
Testesco
Kev says:
arseda
Peter says:
Morrisonshites
Michael Brown - says:
co-pre-op tranny
Peter says:
Gaytrose
Kev says:
Lidl dick up ya arse
Michael Brown - says:
gaynsburys
Peter says:
ARSEDI
Michael Brown - says:
Bummerfield
Peter says:
The Stapylton Arse
Michael Brown - says:
The Woodmans Arse
Kev says:
the normarsedy
Peter says:
The Gormless Cunthead
Michael Brown - says:
The bi-ger
Peter says:
The Cleveland Gay
Michael Brown - says:
the arselands
Peter says:
Isuck Wilson's (dick)
Kev says:
Tony and Dawns
Peter says:
haha#
Keiths
Kev says:
haha
Michael Brown - says:
Keith's
Keith's
Kev says:
Keith's
Peter says:
kheeky keith
Michael Brown - says:
Quiche
Peter says:
quichey tenner
Kev says:
hahah
Michael Brown - says:
tenner bag....
..of shit
Peter says:
of shite
Kev says:
20 bag
Peter says:
of shite?
Kev says:
yeah
Michael Brown - says:
of what?
Peter says:
grilled green peanuts
Kev says:
shite mate
Peter says:
grilled green penis
Michael Brown - says:
jalopenis
Peter says:
grilled green arselands
Michael Brown - says:
jalopeados
Kev says:
arse salad
Peter says:
footlong
Kev says:
fanny salad
Michael Brown - says:
grilled green arsehole
Kev says:
can i have a wipe your arse salad please
Peter says:
with cunny juice dressing?
Kev says:
nah
Peter says:
biwankos
biannefrankos
Michael Brown - says:
burns road fishy fanny
Peter says:
londpiss
Michael Brown - says:
or burns road fishy......
....fanny
Peter says:
or burns road fishy
Kev says:
Bums road
Peter says:
ste jones
Michael Brown - says:
Normanby fishy
Peter says:
STEJONESCHIPSSHOP
Kev says:
you get a backpack with every fish
Michael Brown - says:
battered fish and battered chips and battered steve jones
Peter says:
haha
pizza shop
pizza's shop
Kev says:
Pizza and chips
Michael Brown - says:
London Pizza that mate
Big ben pizza
Peter says:
yeah and boro pizza
Michael Brown - says:
London bus pizza
Kev says:
i like very hot with my pizza
Peter says:
boro taxis pizza
Michael Brown - says:
spacker bus pizza please mate
Peter says:
yeah like cheese, tomato and very hot
Peter says:
hahah christ
Kev says:
can i have a cock end pizza please love
Michael Brown - says:
knob cheesy chips to go.....
...up my arse
Peter says:
kebab and chips please
Michael Brown - says:
fries to go....
...on my head
Peter says:
up ozzy's arse
Kev says:
ha
Peter says:
BRADLEY!!
Kev says:
BRADLEY!!!
YOU TITHEAD!!!!!
Michael Brown - says:
Archie gets the Vic
Peter says:
archie shot vic
but who is vic?
Peter says:
no he shot a bloke called Vic
hahaha
Kev says:
Archies down the vic
Peter says:
thats corra mate
Kev says:
haha
is this normal
Peter says:
hahah
i dont think it is to be honest
Kev says:
my heads fucked u[
up
Michael Brown - says:
should we cease?
Kev says:
arsebandits
arse down the drain
Peter says:
arse town train?
Kev says:
the man with the golden bun
Peter says:
grand theft arsehole
Kev says:
asss potatoe
asss to meet you
Michael Brown - says:
mushy penises
arsehole bake please Greggs
Peter says:
With the lights out
Arses arses
Here we are now
arses arses
Kev says:
the man with the iron dick
Michael Brown - says:
Arse lattice please mate
cod and chips twice please mate
cod and chips twice please mate
cod and chips twice please mate
Peter says:
cod and chips twice please mate
Kev says:
mate can i have a can of tango mate
Michael Brown - says:
it takes 2 to watch Tango & Cash
Peter says:
hahaha
Michael Brown - says:
no tango
Peter says:
ill have fanta instead
Michael Brown - says:
sorry son
Kev says:
dr pepper then mate
Michael Brown - says:
Vimto please mate
Peter says:
ill have tango then
Michael Brown - says:
we only have dr oetker
Kev says:
hah
Peter says:
ive got an appointment to see him
Michael Brown - says:
what about?
Peter says:
shoving a pizza up my ass
Michael Brown - says:
i went to the Doctors last week and said "look i can't stop finering myself"
the doctor said "here take two of these"
and handed me 2 dildos
Peter says:
im going now
that was too far
Michael Brown - says:
fingering*
ere mate
Nana's tits
Peter says:
hahah
somehow makes it all better
everything that is
Kev says:
hahahahah
jesus
It's a conversation between myself and 2 friends on MSN. I don't know why i kept this particular one because they happen all the time.
It's pretty shit craic really but it cracked me up.........
Kev says:
alright guys
wanna do somthing?
Michael Brown - says:
now then gaylords
im playing footy
and im skint
Kev says:
ahhhh
fuck it then
Michael Brown - says:
haha
Peter says:
hahaha
Kev says:
fucking shite
Peter says:
shitey shite
Kev says:
hey its shitsville isnt it
Peter says:
yeah it is like
USA
Kev says:
shite oclock
Peter says:
shite in basket
a basket
Kev says:
shite in ya shampoo
Peter says:
haha
theatre of shite
Kev says:
need a shite? go to the bogs mate
shite mice
Peter says:
cant, someones had a shit3e
Michael Brown - says:
shite in a bun
Kev says:
shit in your undies
undies in your shit
Peter says:
Shitty undies that have shite on
Kev says:
shite on ya bike
Peter says:
shite-ing on the freeway
Kev says:
shit in the shite
shite in the teapot
Peter says:
sprayshite
Kev says:
half of a coconut full of shite
shits himself
Peter says:
shats its knickers
Kev says:
shite on mars
Peter says:
Shitecael Barrymore
Kev says:
fishing for shit
Peter says:
Shite0ing for soup
$hite
Kev says:
shit in the biscuit tin
Peter says:
biscuits in the shit tin
Kev says:
cack on ya creamcake
cacking down the banister
Michael Brown - says:
cornflakes covered in cack
Peter says:
I dont want a shit, DJ
Kev says:
dogshit on the beach
Michael Brown - says:
life is a rollercoaster
full of shit
Peter says:
shite
shite 2
Michael Brown - says:
don't worry, his bark is worse than his shite
Peter says:
Shite: The SHITENING
Michael Brown - says:
shitesize peices
Peter says:
Burns road fish and shit shop
Kev says:
welll im glad we had this chat lads
Peter says:
so am i
i would like to bring something new to the table
Michael Brown - says:
i've got more to get off my chest
Peter says:
and its this:
Michael Brown - says:
more shite that is
Peter says:
Titsco
Michael Brown - says:
Testesco
Kev says:
arseda
Peter says:
Morrisonshites
Michael Brown - says:
co-pre-op tranny
Peter says:
Gaytrose
Kev says:
Lidl dick up ya arse
Michael Brown - says:
gaynsburys
Peter says:
ARSEDI
Michael Brown - says:
Bummerfield
Peter says:
The Stapylton Arse
Michael Brown - says:
The Woodmans Arse
Kev says:
the normarsedy
Peter says:
The Gormless Cunthead
Michael Brown - says:
The bi-ger
Peter says:
The Cleveland Gay
Michael Brown - says:
the arselands
Peter says:
Isuck Wilson's (dick)
Kev says:
Tony and Dawns
Peter says:
haha#
Keiths
Kev says:
haha
Michael Brown - says:
Keith's
Keith's
Kev says:
Keith's
Peter says:
kheeky keith
Michael Brown - says:
Quiche
Peter says:
quichey tenner
Kev says:
hahah
Michael Brown - says:
tenner bag....
..of shit
Peter says:
of shite
Kev says:
20 bag
Peter says:
of shite?
Kev says:
yeah
Michael Brown - says:
of what?
Peter says:
grilled green peanuts
Kev says:
shite mate
Peter says:
grilled green penis
Michael Brown - says:
jalopenis
Peter says:
grilled green arselands
Michael Brown - says:
jalopeados
Kev says:
arse salad
Peter says:
footlong
Kev says:
fanny salad
Michael Brown - says:
grilled green arsehole
Kev says:
can i have a wipe your arse salad please
Peter says:
with cunny juice dressing?
Kev says:
nah
Peter says:
biwankos
biannefrankos
Michael Brown - says:
burns road fishy fanny
Peter says:
londpiss
Michael Brown - says:
or burns road fishy......
....fanny
Peter says:
or burns road fishy
Kev says:
Bums road
Peter says:
ste jones
Michael Brown - says:
Normanby fishy
Peter says:
STEJONESCHIPSSHOP
Kev says:
you get a backpack with every fish
Michael Brown - says:
battered fish and battered chips and battered steve jones
Peter says:
haha
pizza shop
pizza's shop
Kev says:
Pizza and chips
Michael Brown - says:
London Pizza that mate
Big ben pizza
Peter says:
yeah and boro pizza
Michael Brown - says:
London bus pizza
Kev says:
i like very hot with my pizza
Peter says:
boro taxis pizza
Michael Brown - says:
spacker bus pizza please mate
Peter says:
yeah like cheese, tomato and very hot
Peter says:
hahah christ
Kev says:
can i have a cock end pizza please love
Michael Brown - says:
knob cheesy chips to go.....
...up my arse
Peter says:
kebab and chips please
Michael Brown - says:
fries to go....
...on my head
Peter says:
up ozzy's arse
Kev says:
ha
Peter says:
BRADLEY!!
Kev says:
BRADLEY!!!
YOU TITHEAD!!!!!
Michael Brown - says:
Archie gets the Vic
Peter says:
archie shot vic
but who is vic?
Peter says:
no he shot a bloke called Vic
hahaha
Kev says:
Archies down the vic
Peter says:
thats corra mate
Kev says:
haha
is this normal
Peter says:
hahah
i dont think it is to be honest
Kev says:
my heads fucked u[
up
Michael Brown - says:
should we cease?
Kev says:
arsebandits
arse down the drain
Peter says:
arse town train?
Kev says:
the man with the golden bun
Peter says:
grand theft arsehole
Kev says:
asss potatoe
asss to meet you
Michael Brown - says:
mushy penises
arsehole bake please Greggs
Peter says:
With the lights out
Arses arses
Here we are now
arses arses
Kev says:
the man with the iron dick
Michael Brown - says:
Arse lattice please mate
cod and chips twice please mate
cod and chips twice please mate
cod and chips twice please mate
Peter says:
cod and chips twice please mate
Kev says:
mate can i have a can of tango mate
Michael Brown - says:
it takes 2 to watch Tango & Cash
Peter says:
hahaha
Michael Brown - says:
no tango
Peter says:
ill have fanta instead
Michael Brown - says:
sorry son
Kev says:
dr pepper then mate
Michael Brown - says:
Vimto please mate
Peter says:
ill have tango then
Michael Brown - says:
we only have dr oetker
Kev says:
hah
Peter says:
ive got an appointment to see him
Michael Brown - says:
what about?
Peter says:
shoving a pizza up my ass
Michael Brown - says:
i went to the Doctors last week and said "look i can't stop finering myself"
the doctor said "here take two of these"
and handed me 2 dildos
Peter says:
im going now
that was too far
Michael Brown - says:
fingering*
ere mate
Nana's tits
Peter says:
hahah
somehow makes it all better
everything that is
Kev says:
hahahahah
jesus
Check it out
I've just came on quick before bed to moan about ASDA's self serve checkouts.
Fucking garbage.
The amount of cranks you see who can't even scan a barcode is ridiculous. It's a common sight to see some slack jawed shithead spinning a loaf of bread round for ages before then giving in and asking for assistance.
The fastlane? You're joking. More like the lane of imbeciles who need to get a grip.
The voice activated slag's craic isn't much better.
I've gone round the supermarket carefully selecting what goes in my trolley yet when i scan an item and put it in the bag. The voice starts giving it "unexpected item in the bagging area" Fuck off. There's nothing unexpected about it. I put it there. I knew it was in the trolley. I saw what it was when i scanned it. Fair enough if i looked in the bag and saw a dildo or a Black Eyed Peas CD. Then yea, That'd be unexpected. But don't for a second tell me you didn't expect me to put that pot noodle multipack in.
I've got shit about the coinstar as well but i'll save that for later.
Fucking garbage.
The amount of cranks you see who can't even scan a barcode is ridiculous. It's a common sight to see some slack jawed shithead spinning a loaf of bread round for ages before then giving in and asking for assistance.
The fastlane? You're joking. More like the lane of imbeciles who need to get a grip.
The voice activated slag's craic isn't much better.
I've gone round the supermarket carefully selecting what goes in my trolley yet when i scan an item and put it in the bag. The voice starts giving it "unexpected item in the bagging area" Fuck off. There's nothing unexpected about it. I put it there. I knew it was in the trolley. I saw what it was when i scanned it. Fair enough if i looked in the bag and saw a dildo or a Black Eyed Peas CD. Then yea, That'd be unexpected. But don't for a second tell me you didn't expect me to put that pot noodle multipack in.
I've got shit about the coinstar as well but i'll save that for later.
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